• Serena Tan

As i am still at home all still unwell thinking of Benji

Since last Thursday i came down with high fever of 38.4degree, I ‘ve been resting at home even skipping church. Then on Monday my fever subsided a little but my chest felt extremely uncomfortable and restless. Doctor said i had bronchitis and will lead to furthur complications, if, if, if i didnt rest at home with that WATERY cough of mine and if if if i didnt take the antibotics she was about to put me on. I hate antibotics, antibotics made me stomach gasses and churc.. And at times made me sick, but i had no choice. Worst, she said my cough was infectious… nothing to check on H1n1. Even if it was, i was to stay home anyhow for the next 1 week. There were too many with infectious H1N1 anyhow.

And my poor darling AK, associate and taking care of me, got a slight cough and sneezing already…

So i am still at home resting. Nursing still at times, the painfulness of my missing Benji. It probably was his death that i felt my sickness was minimiZe. To me, his death was more painful and breathless than my chest pain. Also i thought was the emotional pain i felt. Mummy probably felt it worst, she was the closest to Benji.

still it wasn’t easy letting him go, not now still, now for the next few days at least. Its totally fresh inside.

Then at times, i thought of him still alive laying in the hall and on the ground panting for his life breathe during his last days, weak in the legs and his lungs breathing in extra hard fighting for the next survival breathe, it was good that he was relived of that now.

Was it really good to go or was it not? i don’t know. Everyone would said he was relieved of his PAin inside.. at least. i hope it was right.


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